Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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