who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
