I puked a lego.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
