what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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