Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
