when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
