Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's never too late to be topless.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
