Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
only if we run a train.
done.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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