He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
