she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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