i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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