oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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