Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
