I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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