Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's rum buckets o'clock
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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