there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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