i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
