Kiss
Puke
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
