Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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