Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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