My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
