Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
