oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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