i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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