I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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