Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
