I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
im holly from the hills drunk
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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