why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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