1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
