i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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