Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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