Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
