i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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