remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
