wanna go halves on a baby?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
