He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
