Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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