if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i was born a porn star she said
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
