Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
