so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You're a waste of cheezeits
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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