the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
