Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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