Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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