I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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