im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize