If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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