I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Randomize
