direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
