Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
