Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
