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• (302): View more from Delaware

  i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.

  (1-302): View more from Delaware

  you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.

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• (714): View more from California

  I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else

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• (707): View more from California

  I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?

  (650): View more from California

  There is so much wrong with that sentence

  (707): View more from California

  Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real

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• (407): View more from Florida

  The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.

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• (575): View more from New Mexico

  Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .

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• (510): View more from California

  He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.

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