my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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