Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
