I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Randomize