Your mouth is God's brothel.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
