I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
