Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
