brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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