do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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