I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
