Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
