I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
