You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
