woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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