A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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