I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
