Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize