i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
