i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
