i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
