hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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