I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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