Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Houston, we have a squirter
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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