He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
