I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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