So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize